Tonight, President Bush will mercifully deliver his final State of the Union address. According to press secretary Dana Perino, Bush's speech will "reflect the president's mindset that he is going to sprint to the finish." Given former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales' similar promise to "spend the next year and a half in a sprint to the finish line" just weeks before his resignation, Perino's preview may prove a bad omen for the President.
Anticipated to emphasize the slowing economy and the war in Iraq, the goals of the speech are said to be "modest." The President's dual needs to begin rewriting his legacy and badger Democrats in an election year suggest the direction and tenor of the SOTU. Still, we face the annual question: what will Bush cover in his address?
With a nod to Super Bowl week and the odds-makers in Las Vegas, here are 10 things to look for - or not - in George W. Bush's last State of the Union:
1. Ahmad Chalabi. The head of the Iraqi National Congress was a featured guest in 2004, seated just behind Laura Bush. The odds of a Chalabi encore in 2008: 5,000,000 to 1.
2. We're Making Progress in Iraq. Bush's running five-year description of adventure in Iraq is almost certain to reappear tonight. Don't be surprised to hear the President crow about the surge or reprise his pre-election warning of October 31, 2006, "However they put it, the Democrat approach in Iraq comes down to this: The terrorists win and America loses." Odds: 1 to 1.
3. Culture of Life. This talking point has been a fixture for President Bush and the conservative movement since before his election. Odds of Bush giving birth to a "culture of life"tonight: 2 to 1.
4. Making Tax Cuts Permament. Despite last week's CBO report revealing the 2008 federal budget deficit could reach $350 billion once the costs of the stimulus package is factored in, making his tax cuts permanent will be a highlight of the President's speech. The trillions of dollars of new red ink starting in 2009, like finding Osama Bin Laden, will be a problem for the next president. Odds are 1 to 1.
5. Mission To Mars. In 2004, President Bush proclaimed his desire to send American astronauts to Mars. Since then, not so much. The "Mars, Bitches" clarion call will have to be left to Dave Chappelle. Odds of a mission to Mars tonight: 1,000,000 to 1.
6. Freedom is God's Gift. In the run up to the Iraq war, President Bush declared, "The liberty we prize is not America's gift to the world, it is God's gift to humanity." The Almighty's gift of liberty has been a staple of the Bush Doctrine ever since. Odds of more gifts of freedom from above: 3 to 1. Odds of Republican Congressmen showing up with purple index fingers? 2,500,000 to 1.
7. Conflating All Muslims. Last year, President Bush introduced a now-standard element of Republican war on terror rhetoric, the conflation of all Muslims into a single, unified threat. "The Shia and Sunni extremists," Bush said, "are different faces of the same totalitarian threat." (Among the GOP contenders scrambling to replace Bush, Mitt Romney seems most fond of the unified threat theory.) Odds of Bush equating Osama Bin Laden with Babu Bhatt from Seinfeld: 10 to 1.
8. Terrorist Surveillance Program. With the debate over FISA, domestic spying and telecomm immunity raging in the Senate, President Bush is certain to play the fear-mongering card tonight. Expect an encore performance of the President's Saturday radio address, when he warned, "We need to know who our enemies are and what they are plotting. And we cannot afford to wait until after an attack to put the pieces together." Odds of the NSA listening in on us as we listening to President Bush make his bogus call for telecomm immunity: 1 to 1.
9. Laura Bush's Gang Initiative. In 2005, the President called on First Lady Laura Bush to lead an anti-gang initiative. The odds we'll be hearing an update on Laura's peace deal between the Bloods and the Cripps: 1,000 to 1.
10. The "Democrat Party." After the "thumpin'" his party received in the 2006 midterm elections, President Bush couldn't resist using the term "Democrat Party" to tweak his opponents ("it is clear the Democrat Party had a good night last night"). Despite his 2007 promise to the Congressional Black Caucus to end that adolescent taunt he's practiced dozens of times, President Bush just may not be able to help himself. Odds of a missing "ic" for the Democratic Party tonight: 5 to 1.
President Bush's past State of the Union addresses are available here.