30 Things John McCain Needs to Know About Mike Huckabee
One of the more fascinating story lines in the wake of the Super Tuesday primaries involves rumors that GOP frontrunner John McCain is considering Mike Huckabee as his VP choice. The two didn't merely combine in Tuesday's nationwide vote to send Mitt Romney to the Republican equivalent of the glue factory. Throughout the primaries, McCain and Huckabee have lavished praise and respect upon each other. But while Mike Huckabee might love John McCain, his party and the American people won't if the Arkansas Governor becomes his running mate.
No doubt, Huckabee is skilled campaigner and the darling of the religious right. But Huckabee won't help John McCain among the economic conservatives at places like the National Review and the Rush Limbaugh show. (As Huckabee moved up in the Iowa polls in December, the National Review's Rich Lowry said "his nomination would represent an act of suicide by his party.") And while Mike Huckabee might firm up McCain's margins in southern states the GOP would likely carry anyway, his extremism past and present could scare, well, the bejesus out of the rest of America.
Here, then, are the 30 things John McCain needs to know about Mike Huckabee:
- Huckabee Calls for the Quarantine of AIDS Victims
- Huckabee Enables the Politically-Motivated Parole of Repeat Rapist/Murderer
- Huckabee Offers Faith-Based Pardons
- Huckabee Undermines the Teaching of Evolution
- Huckabee Speaks for God
- Huckabee Speaks to God
- Huckabee Claims God Behind His Rise in the Polls
- Huckabee Proclaims His Theology Degree a Unique Qualification to Fight Terrorism
- Huckabee Flip-Flops, Calls for Federal Abortion Ban
- Huckabee Calls for Consumption Tax, Abolition of the IRS
- Huckabee Vows to Take Nation Back for Christ
- Huckabee Declares Culture War in 1998 Book
- Huckabee Declares Women Should Graciously Submit to Their Husbands
- Huckabee Predicts Victory over Islam at the End of Times
- Huckabee Boasts About Theology Degree He Doesn't Have
- Huckabee Destroys His State Computer Records - and Church Sermons
- Huckabee Offers State Appointments in Exchange for Gifts
- Huckabee Uses Wedding Registries to Furnish New Home
- Huckabee Offers Clemency to Repeat DWI Offender (and GOP Donor)
- Huckabee Intervenes to Save Dog-Killing Son from Legal Jeopardy
- Huckabee Encourages Televangelist to Defy Senate Investigation
- Huckabee Wants Americans to be "Soldiers for Christ" in "God's Army"
- Huckabee Calls for a Faith-Based Constitution
- Huckabee Wants to Crimalize Abortion Providers
- Huckabee Vows to Deport All Illegal Aliens
- Huckabee Equates Homosexuality with Bestiality
- Huckabee Says the Lord Gave Him Wisdom During GOP Debates
- Huckabee Gets Scatalogical in Defense of the Confederate Flag
- Huckabee Compares Search for Iraq WMD to Easter Egg Hunt
- Huckabee Calls for Taxes on Pimps, Prostitutes and Drug Dealers
For the details on each of the 30 horror stories above, see:
UPDATE: Satirical Political reports that Mike Huckabee is ready to be President from "Day Six."
Please God, say it ain't so.
McCain is unlikely to select Huckabee for VP. McCain's number one priority in the Party is to satisfy his conservative bona fides. Hence he is likely to pick for VP a Jack Kemp or Fred Thompson type of feller. Though he would give to Huckabee some kind of role in his Administration.
Something like Interior Secretary.