If April showers bring May flowers, then this month's torrential downpour of Republican gaffes and guffaws promises a rosy future for Democrats. The implosion of Attorney General Alberto Gonzales over the U.S attorneys scandal, the missteps of 2008 GOP presidential contenders, criminality from a new crop of Banana Republicans and the continuing entropy in Iraq combined to produce an endless supply of punchlines. And as usual, President Bush contributed his own words of wit and wisdom.
Here, then, are the latest GOP Quotes of the Week:
Alberto Gonzales and the U.S. Attorneys Purge
"He may be an idiot, I don't know."
Rush Limbaugh, on Alberto Gonzales, April 20, 2007.
"He is our No. 1 crime fighter."
Dana Perino, on Alberto Gonzales, April 20, 2007.
"I believe you ought to suffer the consequences that these others have suffered, and I believe the best way to put this behind us is your resignation."
Senator Tom Coburn, (R-OK), April 19, 2007.
"The moment I believe I can no longer be effective, I will resign."
Alberto Gonzales, April 19, 2007.
"I don't think you're going to win a debate about your preparation."
Arlen Specter (R-PA), to Alberto Gonzales, April 19, 2007.
"Senator, that I don't recall remembering."
Alberto Gonzales, April 19, 2007.
"I recall making the decision. I don't recall when the decision was made."
Alberto Gonzales, April 19, 2007.
"We screwed up and we're trying to fix it."
Dana Perino, on White House's handling of staff's RNC emails, April 12, 2007.
"When I said a handful I was asked based on something that I didn't know."
Dana Perino, White House spokesperson, on revelations that up to 50 Bush aides used external RNC email accounts for official business, April 12, 2007.
The Republican Culture of Corruption
"If there is anything that we should have learned from the Duke Lacrosse case, it is that the destruction of the reputations of innocent people can occur when the government, the press and the public jump to unfounded conclusions."
Rep. John Doolittle, (R-CA), April 20, 2007.
"I'm presently under indictment for laws that don't exist in Texas by a Nifong of Texas called Ronnie Earle, undermining our justice system here in Texas."
Tom Delay, April 16, 2007.
"We've got issues we need to work through."
Dick Cheney, asked about White House credibility problems, April 15, 2007.
The Verbal Incontinence of George W. Bush
"Putting up with me requires a lot of patience."
President Bush, April 19, 2007.
"Death is terrible."
President Bush, April 19, 2007.
"If you've got a chicken factory, a chicken-plucking factory, or whatever you call them, you know what I'm talking about."
President Bush, April 19, 2007.
"Running a country is no fun at all."
Laura Bush, reading to children on Easter, April 11, 2007.
Chaos in Iraq
"I think it was Osama bin Laden's."
Karl Rove, on whose idea it was to launch a pre-emptive invasion of Iraq, April 19, 2007.
"The very fundamental issue is, they don't know where the hell they're going."
Retired Marine Gen. John J. "Jack" Sheehan, on why he turned down the role of Bush "war czar," April 11, 2007.
"It was just like any open-air market in Indiana in the summertime."
Rep. Mike Pence (R-IN), April 4, 2007.
GOP White House Hopefuls Watch
""My response is, lighten up and get a life."
John McCain, responding to criticism of his "Bomb Iran" performance, April 20, 2007.
"Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran."
John McCain, responding to a question on Iran by singing to the tune of the Beach Boys' "Barbara Ann," April 19, 2007.
"I know what's best for the security of this nation."
John McCain, April 17, 2007.
"Our party has to get beyond issues like that."
Rudy Giuliani, on abortion, April 16, 2007.
"Thank youse all very much for invitin' me here tuh-day, to this meeting of the families from different parts'a California."
Rudy Giuliani, imitating the Godfather while on the stump, April 14, 2007.
"I'm in the private sector and for the first time in my life I'm earning money. You know that's sort of part of the Jewish tradition."
Tommy Thompson, April 16, 2007.
"You have to ask yourself, the first black man is running for president and nobody's afraid of him, because everybody's afraid of Hillary."
Dick Morris, April 10, 2007.
Miscellaneous Conservative Psychosis
"I hope it's your family members that die when terrorists strike."
Rep. Dana Rohrbacher, (R-CA), to members of the EU regarding U.S. practice of extraordinary rendition, April 20, 2007.
"The President believes that there is a right for people to bear arms, but that all laws must be followed."
White House spokesperson Dana Perino, on President Bush's reaction to the massacre at Virginia Tech, April 16, 2007.
"Who's the master and who's the slave in that relationship."
Indiana Republican Secretary of State Todd Rikita, on African-Americans' 90% support for Democrats, April 16, 2007.
"I am hesitant to see Southern Methodist University welcoming the institute of a Methodist who has been so contrary to the teachings of the Methodist Church."
Reverend C. Joseph Sprague, on proposed George W. Bush presidential library at SMU, April 13, 2007.
"He has the same sense of humor that Imus has."
Mary Matalin, on her former boss Dick Cheney, January 24, 2005.
For an archives of conservative ditties past, visit here.