Perrspectives - Bringing light to Darkness

"Republican of the Year" Awards We'd Like to See

December 13, 2007

This week, the Journal of the American Bar Association announced the selection of former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales as its 2007 Lawyer of the Year. In a process that prioritized the absolute value of the contenders' beneficial or deleterious contributions to the legal profession, Gonzales edged out such notables as Duke lacrosse team prosecutor Michael Nifong, Hatch Act hatchet woman and loyal Bushie Monica Goodling, and Plamegate villain Scooter Libby. As Edward A. Adams, the Journal's editor and publisher, described Gonzales' victory:

"It's about who has had the most effect in the world of lawyers this year. We're not saying Gonzales is good or bad. We're just saying this is the leading newsmaker in our part of the world."

By that standard, we should expect a bumper crop of year-end awards for the Bush administration and its fellow travelers in the GOP. Here, then, are the 2007 Republican of the Year awards we'd like to see.
2007 Dream Maker of the Year: George W. Bush. President Bush should receive the 2007 Dream Maker of the Year Award from the Make a Wish Foundation. With his double-veto of the expansion of the State Children's Health Insurance Program (S-CHIP), the President has done more than anyone else to prevent millions of American children from receiving the medical care they need and deserve. The award is to be presented by 12 year old Graeme Frost.
Humanitarian of 2007: Condoleezza Rice. The Secretary of State is a shoo-in to win the Humanitarian of 2007 from Soldier of Fortune magazine. Thanks to the tireless efforts of her State Department and its departing Inspector General Howard Krongard, legions of paid mercenaries from Blackwater and other private security firms successfully avoided punishment for numerous crimes they committed in Iraq.
Tin Man Award: Dick Cheney. The Vice President is in line to capture the prestigious Tin Man Award of the American Heart Association. Given each year to the person literally and metaphorically demonstrating a complete lack of heart, the 2007 Tinny is Cheney's fifth in the last 7 years. Unlike his heart, Cheney didn't skip a beat.
Ronald Reagan AIDS Lifetime Achievement Award: Mike Huckabee. The former Arkansas governor and new 2008 GOP White House frontrunner should easily garner this year's Ronald Reagan Lifetime Achievement Award from the American Foundation for AIDS Research (amfAR). The Gipper Prize recognizes Huckabee's continued defense of his 1992 call for the quarantine of AIDS victims and his labeling homosexuality "an aberrant, unnatural, and sinful lifestyle" which could "pose a dangerous public health risk." As one person close to the selection panel put, "When it comes to AIDS, Mike Huckabee makes Ronald Reagan look like Princess Diana."
Mary Lou Retton Award: Mitt Romney. The Massachusetts Republican is certain to garner the 2007 Mary Lou Retton Award from USA Gymnastics. The award is presented annually to the man or woman for achievement in gymnastics. This year, Romney successfully executed the first ever "Octuple Double," contorting himself to support both sides of issues including abortion, gay rights, the capture of Osama Bin Laden, decrying illegal aliens while hiring them, and many more.
The 2007 Houdini Award: Rudy Giuliani. The former New York mayor is the rumored choice for the Houdini Prize from the Society of American Magicians. Giuliani is to be recognized for his famous "Hamptons" prestidigitation, a dazzling act whereby he made the taxpayer-funded security costs for his then-mistress now wife Judith Nathan disappear.
UPDATE: On Friday, the ABA bowed to the public outcry and renamed Gonzales' award "Newmaker of the Year." I can't recall a greater injustice for a man best known for not recalling anything.

One comment on “"Republican of the Year" Awards We'd Like to See”


Jon Perr
Jon Perr is a technology marketing consultant and product strategist who writes about American politics and public policy.

Follow Us

© 2004 - 
 Perrspectives. All Rights Reserved.
linkedin facebook pinterest youtube rss twitter instagram facebook-blank rss-blank linkedin-blank pinterest youtube twitter instagram