It's time to take Today's Quiz. The topic: threats to the American way of life.
According to conservatives, which of the following is NOT a threat to the American republic?
A) Spongebob Squarepants, rumored front-sponge for the gay agenda.
B) Buster Baxter, the PBS cartoon bunny who counts Vermont lesbians among his friends.
C) Patty Bouvier, Homer Simpson's lesbian sister-in-law involved in the first animated same-sex wedding.
D) Jeff Gannon, the gay male prostitute turned GOP operative turned White House press mole.
The answer, of course, is D:

"So the case against Gannon boils down to being too pro-Republican, writing stories with a conservative slant, and being linked to conduct, homosexuality, that is accepted and celebrated by those who were going after Gannon in the first place." (Cliff Kincaid, Accuracy in Media)

As for the first three, there is a clear and present danger to the United States.
On the Spongebob threat:

"A short step beneath the surface reveals that one of the differences being celebrated [by the video] is homosexuality." (Ed Vitagliano, American Family Association)

On the Buster subversion:

"Many parents would not want their young children exposed to the lifestyles portrayed in the episode. Congress' and the Department's purpose in funding this programming certainly was not to introduce this kind of subject matter to children, particularly through the powerful and intimate medium of television." (Margaret Spellings, Secretary of Education)

On the Simpsons insurgency:

"At a time when the public mood is overwhelmingly against gay marriage, any show that promotes gay marriage is deliberately bucking the public mood." (L. Brent Bozell, Parents Television Council)