Judging from the latest deluge of egregious gaffes, blunders and banality from the conservative chattering class, Stephen Colbert was certainly right that "reality has a well-known liberal bias." President Bush's wildly unpopular war funding veto, the continued entropy in Iraq, George Tenet's revisionist history and the rhetorical mishaps of 2008 GOP hopefuls combined to produce a hilarious - and disturbing - mix of Republican verbal psychosis.
Here, then, are the latest GOP Quotes of the Week:
Between Iraq and a Hard Place
"I'm the commander guy."
President Bush, May 2, 2007.
"Either we'll succeed, or we won't succeed."
President Bush, May 2, 2007.
"Imagine my beloved St. Louis Cardinals are playing the much despised Chicago Cubs. The Cardinals are are up by five, finishing the top of the ninth. Is this a cause for celebration?"
Rep. John Shimkus (R-IL), comparing Iraq withdrawal to a baseball game, May 2, 2007.
"The president never said 'mission accomplished'...We did prevail, in terms of toppling the Iraqi army and Saddam Hussein."
Dana Perino, asked about President Bush's statement four years ago that the "United States and our allies have prevailed" in Iraq, May 1, 2007.
"[There] is something of an al-Qaida surge going on."
Ryan Crocker, U.S. Ambassador to Iraq, May 1, 2007.
"That would put a kid in harms way, more so than he or she already is."
President Bush, on how withdrawing U.S. troops from Iraq would put them in greater danger, April 27, 2007.
"If the standard of success is no car bombings or suicide bombings, we have just handed those who commit suicide bombings a huge victory."
President Bush, April 25, 2007.
"I think Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi are getting very, very close to treason."
Tom Delay, April 24, 2007.
Republican Revisionist History
"It makes no sense to tell the enemy when you plan to start withdrawing."
President Bush, May 1, 2007.
"I think it's also important for the president to lay out a timetable as to how long they will be involved and when they will be withdrawn."
Candidate George W. Bush, regarding U.S. troops in Kosovo, June 5, 1999.
"Victory means exit strategy, and it's important for the president to explain to us what the exit strategy is."
Candidate George W. Bush, regarding U.S. troops in Kosovo, April 9, 1999.
"So America will hold the Iraqi government to the benchmarks it has announced."
President Bush, January 10, 2007.
"To begin now to tie our own hands and to say 'We must do this if they don't do that' doesn't allow us the flexibility and creativity that we need to move this forward...That's the problem with having so-called consequences."
Condi Rice, April 29, 2007.
"I don't know what we were supposed to preemptively strike in Afghanistan."
Secretary of State Rice, trying to rebut George Tenet's assertion that she ignored his July 2001 warnings about Al Qaeda, April 29, 2007.
"I will never give that medal back."
George Tenet, on the Medal of Freedom presented to him by President Bush, May 1, 2007.
"You had the impression that some Office of the Vice President and DOD reps were writing Chalabi's name over and over again in their notes, like schoolgirls with their first crush."
George Tenet, book excerpt, April 29, 2007.
"Nobody ever called me to say, 'Why are you going to Syria with those people?'"
Rep. David Hobson (R-OH), responding to Republicans only criticizing Nancy Pelosi and Democratic members of entourage traveling to Damascus, April 24, 2007.
GOP White House Hopefuls Watch
"I'm not in favor of his religion by any means. But he wrote a book called 'Battlefield Earth' that was a very fun science-fiction book."
Mitt Romney, naming Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard's book as his favorite novel, April 30, 2007.
"It's not worth moving heaven and earth spending billions of dollars just trying to catch one person."
Mitt Romney, on capturing Osama Bin Laden, April 26, 2007.
"So I don't know where he is. You know, I just don't spend that much time on him...I truly am not that concerned about him."
President Bush, March 13, 2002.
"America will be safer with a Republican president."
Rudy Giuliani, April 24, 2007.
"I don't know the answer to that."
Rudy Giuliani, asked if the "surge" in Iraq is working, April 24, 2007.
Compassionate Conservatism
"I can't help wondering if the day may yet come when the only thing that can save this country is a military coup."
Thomas Sowell, National Review Columnist, May 1, 2007.
"Now, I'm not saying that anybody's going to -- you know Al Gore's not going to be rounding up Jews and exterminating them. It is the same tactic, however."
CNN's Glenn Beck, April 30, 2007.
"This would be America's most shameful act of immorality since slavery."
Glenn Beck, on withdrawal from Iraq, April 24, 2007.
"If you're saying it's our fault that we unmasked them as knuckle-dragging savages from the 10th century -- fine."
Fox's John Gibson, on the Iraqi people, April 23, 2007.
"They're trying to destroy Christian America and install godless order."
Don Larsen, Utah Republican Party district chairman, backing resolution blaming Satan for illegal immigration, April 30, 2007.
"I am still confused as to why they chose to lie."
Jessica Lynch, on Pentagon's false stories of her heroism, April 24, 2007.
Bush Family Values
"We thank 'American Idol' viewers who have shown the good heart of America."
President Bush, May 2, 2007.
"The president loves him and Condi absolutely loves him."
Anonymous friend of Randall Tobias, who resigned amid revelations he availed himself of the services of the DC Madam, April 27, 2007.
"No one suffers more than their President and I do.
Laura Bush, on the war in Iraq, April 25, 2007.
"There might be a little Bush fatigue now."
George H.W. Bush, April 24, 2007.
For an archives of conservative ditties past, visit here.