GOP Quotes of the Week, Reagan's Heirs Edition
Over the past week, the continuing implosion of the Republican Party produced another bumper crop of jaw-dropping conservative gaffes and goofs. GOP infighting over the dismal realities in Iraq, Alberto Gonzales' PurgeGate scandal, and a fresh batch of right-wing rage combined to deliver new innovations in conservative rhetorical psychosis. And in recent days, White House hopeful Mitt Romney rivaled the current Oval Office occupant for sheer verbal incontinence.
What follows below, then, are the latest GOP Quotes of the Week:
The Republican Plan B on Iraq
"By the time we get to September or October, members are going to want to know how well this is working, and if it isn't, what's Plan B."
House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-OH), May 6, 2007.
"I have no Plan B."
John McCain, on his support for the Iraq surge, April 13, 2007.
"Plan B was to make Plan A work."
Joint Chiefs Chairman General Peter Pace, on Iraq, March 5, 2007.
"I don't think you go to Plan B. You work with Plan A."
Secretary of State Condi Rice, asked what the U.S. should do if the Iraqi government does not live up to its commitments, March 5, 2007.
The Unbearable Lightness of Alberto Gonzales
"I think I may be aware of that."
Alberto Gonzales, May 10, 2007.
"My feelings and recollections about this matter have not changed."
Alberto Gonzales, testifying before the House Judiciary Committee on his purge of U.S. prosecutors, May 10, 2007.
"The list of accusations has mushroomed, but the evidence of wrongdoing has not. We should not conduct an endless piscine expedition."
Rep. Lamar Smith (R-TX), on Gonzales' U.S. attorneys scandal, May 10, 2007.
"I work for the White House, you work for the White House."
Alberto Gonzales, in a speech to U.S. attorney John McKay and all other 92 U.S. attorneys, early 2005.
"I'm not going to speculate or comment."
FBI director Robert Mueller, on whether Alberto Gonzales should step down, May 9, 2007.
"I was struck by how long it took for anyone to say anything in support of him."
Former FEMA head Michael Brown, on the White House's backing of Alberto Gonzales, May 6, 2007.
The Unbearable Lightness of Mitt Romney
"It's entirely possible."
Mitt Romney, on whether Saddam moved WMD to Syria before the U.S. invasion, May 7, 2007.
"In France, for instance, I'm told that marriage is now frequently contracted in seven-year terms where either party may move on when their term is up. How shallow and how different from the Europe of the past."
Mitt Romney, who performed his Mormon mission n France, May 5, 2007.
"He's going to pay, and he will die."
Mitt Romney, on Osama Bin Laden, May 3, 2007.
"It's not worth moving heaven and earth spending billions of dollars just trying to catch one person."
Mitt Romney, on Osama Bin Laden, April 26, 2007.
"This university, its students, its alumni and the faculty serve as an example of Dr. Robertson's dedication to strengthening and then nurturing the pillars of this community and our country: education, fellowship, and advancement."
Mitt Romney, speech at Pat Robertson's Regent University, May 5, 2007.
"When it comes to spiritual matters, the Mormons are far from the truth."
From a page on Pat Robertson's CBN web site titled "How Do I Recognize a Cult," 2007.
"I think he was a little - I don't know if surprised is the right word, probably maybe sobered."
Rep. Ray Lahood (R-IL), on meeting of 11 GOP lawmakers with President Bush on Iraq, May 10, 2007.
"Every time I go over there the improvements in the conditions are truly amazing."
Senator Saxby Chambliss (R-GA), on progress in Iraq, May 8, 2007.
"Git thar fustest with the mostest."
Rep. Ted Poe (R-TX), quoting Confederate terrorist and Ku Klux Klan founder Nathan Bedford Forrest to support his position on Iraq war funding, May 8, 2007.
"It's game time."
Vice President Cheney, on Iraq, May 9, 2007.
"I used to run a small business. I owned a small business. I have benchmarks every month, but if I didn't meet the benchmarks and if I missed the profit margin, I didn't shut down the business."
John Boehner, on benchmarks for the Iraqi government, May 6, 2007.
"If they go off on vacation for two months while our troops fight - that would be the outrage of outrages."
Rep. Chris Shays (R-CT), May 3, 2007.
"The Iraqis need to know that we are not looking to leave Iraq."
Secretary of State Condi Rice, May 7, 2007.
More Compassionate Conservatism
"My mission is to -- today, though, is to lift people's spirits as best as I possibly can and to hopefully touch somebody's soul."
President Bush, on visiting tornado victims in Kansas, May 9, 2007.
"I looked the man in the eye. I was able to get a sense of his soul."
President Bush, on Russian President Vladimir Putin, November 15, 2001.
"Then we kick the press out."
Vice President Cheney, overheard by reporters as he addressed his staffers in Iraq, May 9, 2007.
"This is just a photo spray."
Vice President Cheney, meeting with reporters in Iraq, May 9, 2007.
"It is the issue of our culture itself, and whether we will survive."
Tom Tancredo (R-CO), on immigration, May 4, 2007.
"You kill my dog, I'll kill your cat."
Rep. John Doolittle (R-CA), now under investigation in the Abramoff affair, on Republican response to Democrats bringing ethics charges against Tom Delay, June 15, 2004.
"If there's one empire I want built, it's the George Bush empire."
Former RNC head Ken Mehlman, 2005.
"I believe polarization of the personnel and breakdown of unit effectiveness is too high a price to pay for well intentioned but misguided efforts to elevate the interests of a minority of homosexual servicemembers above those of their units."
John McCain, April 16, 2007.
"I think the GOP was dissolving. Now it's drying up and the wind's going to blow it away. I just don't think we have the depth of knowledge, intellect, and experience necessary for a viable political party any more."
Rep. Wayne Gilchrist (R-MD), May 8, 2007.
Republican Men of God
"I'm not fortunate enough to be a person of faith."
Karl Rove, according to interview with Christopher Hitchens in New York Magazine issue, May 7, 2007.
"This isn't that kind of event."
Jeff Gannon, spokesman for the International Bible Reading Association, discussing sparsely attended Bible reading marathon outside the U.S. Capitol, May 4, 2007.
"It would be OK."
Rudy Giuliani, asked his response to the Supreme Court overturning or upholding Roe v. Wade, May 3, 2007.
Revisionist History Department
"I only thought it was the radical left in our own nation which enjoys likening the United States to Nazi Germany."
Tom Delay, May 10, 2007.
"Liberals have finally joined the ranks of scoundrels like Hitler."
Tom Delay, March 26, 2007.
"I never believed Saddam Hussein was responsible for 9/11."
Richard Perle, May 4, 2007.
"Even if evidence does not link Iraq directly to the attack, any strategy aiming at the eradication of terrorism and its sponsors must include a determined effort to remove Saddam Hussein from power in Iraq."
Richard Perle, September 20, 2001.
"He will be, I believe, a president who will be viewed by history for this one decision as being a great president."
Rudy Giuliani, on President Bush, May 5, 2007.
"I think it was really the right thing to do, and I think history will bear that out."
Outgoing Bush deputy national security adviser, J.D. Crouch, on the wisdom of invading Iraq, May 4, 2007.
"I think we missed Cheney."
Geoffrey Hoon, former British defense secretary, on mistakes in pre-war planning, May 2, 2007.
"I do not believe it was a coincidence that the leak came the day before Attorney General Alberto Gonzales testified before Congress on charges that his office was overly partisan in its firing of eight U.S. Attorneys."
Rep. John Doolittle, on the FBI leaking word of his home being searched in connection with the Abramoff affair, May 6, 2007.
The Wisdom of Dubya
"She gave me a look that only a mother could give a child."
President Bush, of Queen Elizabeth's response to his blooper below, May 7, 2007.
"You helped our nation celebrate its bicentennial in seventeen seventy... in nineteen seventy-six."
President Bush, to Queen Elizabeth, May 7, 2007.
"I'm honored to be here with the Eternal General of the United States, mi amigo Alberto Gonzales."
President Bush, May 5, 2007.
"I have found that exercise not only is a good excuse to get outdoors. It helps to relieve stress as well."
President Bush, May 5, 2007.
"You know, nightly news is one way, of course, but it's also moving through the blogosphere and through the Internets."
President Bush, on how people get their information, May 2, 2007.
For the archives of conservative ditties past, visit here.