51 comments on “The Karl Rove Whack-a-Mole Contest”

1. I believe Karl Rove will go to jail after what will be nearly another year of legal wrangling and word-twisting.
   I feel his punishment should be to be celled-up with his buddy Novak, surrounded by muslim detainees, and given the cell where when I piss, the air duct system blows it all over their copy of the Wall Street Journal.
   Oh yeah, and contrary to what some right-wing, human rights group wackos may say, there will be NO TORTURE being applied to them. I repeat: NO TORTURE! Just oodles and oodles of Noodles Jefferson!
   Who's counting these ballots anyway? Better get Ms. Harris on the phone...

2. Karl Rove!
   You've won an an all-expenses paid trip to "Little Beirut" (aka Portland) to attend a political rally and musical variety show hosted by Barbara Streisand and including such luminaries at Bono, Richard Gere, Tim Robbins, the Dixie Chicks, and Ben Affleck!
   You and your celebrity companion, Kid Rock, will be handcuffed to your chairs and fed a strictly vegan diet--Ketchup Included!!
   Finally, to make this a trip to remember, you will be granted an exclusive interview with Portland's own political gossip and celebrity maven, the only blogger with uses an exclamation point when he signs his own name, the one true b!x!!
   Karl, to accept this offer, just call this number today: 1-800-BIG-LIAR. Please don't call on a publicly funded line.
   Offer expires as soon as you are convicted or driven from the White House. All rights reserved.

3. Rove should be strapped to a gurney in his altogether covered by a blanket on the White House lawn surrounded by the White House Press Corps. DUHbya and Cheney, in turn, would then be reqiured to come out every hour, on the hour, and remove his cover, thereby exposing him to the White House Press. Upon reflection, however, given the alleged proclivities of the various participants it may be more oarty than punishment.

4. Rove should be strapped to a gurney in his altogether covered by a blanket on the White House lawn surrounded by the White House Press Corps. DUHbya and Cheney, in turn, would then be reqiured to come out every hour, on the hour, and remove his cover, thereby exposing him to the White House Press. Upon reflection, however, given the alleged proclivities of the various participants it may be more party than punishment.

5. I didn't know babyx was blogging now. Way cool.

6. Banishment. No return to the US. Ever.

7. Make him work for the DNC, and then when Hillary Clinton and Diane Feinstein run as a ticket (not sure who's on top) he becomes their campaign strategist with a contingency fee for every state he loses he loses a finger or toe, and if he tops 20 he then starts losing appendages, all five of them.

8. I can't think of any crueler punishment than having to kiss Helen Thomas.

9. Perfect punishment:
   Bill O'liely on TV, with the mute on, and Air America, in Dolby Surround Sound, coming out of the speakers: 24 HOURS A DAY!

10. Tatoo across his forehead that reads "Traitor" and can't be removed for the rest of the Bush Cabal time in the White House.
    Right to the point. And no hats or wigs!
    Then maybe Karl will help push his bosses out the door.

11. Well, everyone claims he's a wizard and he wants the country to roll back to the 14th century, so how about we burn him at the stake?

12. CLG Exclusive: Interview with Joseph Wilson: The Bush Crowd: "A Real Threat to Our Republic" http://www.legitgov.org/clg_interview_joseph_wilson_060705.html
    Statement of Joseph Wilson on the sentencing of New York Times reporter Judith Miller http://www.legitgov.org/clg_interview_joseph_wilson_060705.html#wilson_statement
    Lori Price
    General Manager
    http://www.legitgov.org/

13. This is disgusting.
    Karl Rove is a great American who did nothing wrong. Joseph Wilson is the true traitor. He tried to embarrass President Bush by airing his dirty laundry in public.
    Rove was right that Wilson's wife was fair game. Wilson should have known his wife could be road kill.
    I don't know why I even bother explaining this to you America-haters...

14. Loretta, dear. You're so amazingly deluded. Wilson was reporting the TRUTH. Why is that being a traitor? Plame was CIA! Rove knew it. He deliberatly jeopardized national security in order to discredit the truth. Lies like this are SOP for BushCo
    I truly feel sorry for you, you ignorant housefrau. You just go around repeating the neocon mantra that anyone who questions or confronts these crooks in the White House is automatically un-American.

15. I'd send him to Guantanamo, without a lawyer, of course.

16. Frog march him out of the WH, natch. For kicks. Then let him go, tell him to walk home. Next secretly declare him an enemy combatant and use extreme rendition to kidnap him off the streets and spirit him away to a country known to use torture on a regular basis. Now, use evey method the WH DOESN'T consider (on paper, in legal briefs) torture on Mr. Rove. Waterboarding would be just a start. Stress positions? Sure. Shackled to the floor and left to defecate on self? Why not? Remember that's hardly what "we" consider torture - just give him a bible (wipe the piss off it first) and make sure there are doctors present (to advise on his phobias, etc. ) Keep those muzzles on the dogs you use to intimidate him - would't wan't to go outside of the guidelines... etc etc for months on end BEFORE any legal proceedings begin. Call it a holiday in the tropics with two kinds of veggies.
    After a SPEEDY trial before a military tribunal of mid level reserve officers who are three time vets of Iraq, convict him of WARTIME TREASON AGAINST THE USA and order up a firing squad of men who have overcome amputations and serious injuries and managed to rejoin their units in active duty. Said execution to take place on the streets of Fallujah, in broad daylight. And make sure the entire civilian chain of command is present to witness Bush, Rummy, Cheney Rice, etc etc.
    Oh, and have security for the event handled by the diligent folks from the non-union TSA. (Violent, you say? No, it's THE LAW according to Bushco.)

17. Frog march him out of the WH, natch. For kicks. Then let him go, tell him to walk home. Next secretly declare him an enemy combatant and use extreme rendition to kidnap him off the streets and spirit him away to a prison in a country known to use torture on a regular basis. (Like, say OUR COUNTRY. Or perhaps Iraq under our occupation might be more appropriate.) Now, use every method the White House consul DOESN'T consider (on paper, in legal briefs) torture on Mr. Rove. Waterboarding would be just a start. Stress positions? Sure. Shackled to the floor and left to defecate on self? Why not? Remember that's hardly what "we" consider torture - just give him a bible (wipe the piss off it first) and make sure there are doctors present (to advise on his phobias, etc. ) Keep those muzzles on the dogs you use to intimidate him - would't wan't to go outside of the guidelines... etc etc for months on end BEFORE any legal proceedings begin. Call it a holiday in the tropics with two kinds of veggies.
    After a SPEEDY trial before a military tribunal of mid level reserve officers who are three time vets of Iraq, convict him of WARTIME TREASON AGAINST THE USA and order up a firing squad of men who have overcome amputations and serious injuries and managed to rejoin their units in active duty. Said execution to take place on the streets of Fallujah, in broad daylight. And make sure the entire civilian chain of command is present to witness - Bush, Rummy, Cheney Rice, etc etc. Then stuff his body bag with ice and pose for souvenir shots with lots of "thumbs up." Later stick an IV in his arm and deny he is even in our custody.
    Transportation from detention at Abu Ghraib to "Al Ankbar province" be provided by unarmored Humvees. Oh, and have security for the event handled by the diligent folks from the non-union TSA.
    (Violent, you say? No, it's THE LAW according to Bushco.)

18. Karl Rove, while clad only in a diaper, must lead the 2006 San Francisco Gay Pride Parade.
    He must then go to city hall and serenade Mayor Gavin Newsome with his rendition of "It's Raining Men."

19. I say make him go live on a deserted island with Loretta. She sounds like a real sweetie, and a great American like Rove ought to be able to enjoy such lovely company for the rest of his life, smothered by the insane adoration of someone who sees those who fight to preserve democracy as haters of America.

20. Karl Rove should be sentenced to substitute his own mellon head for the pumpkin previously on Congressman Dan Burton's target range.

21. How using Rove's as the "before" image in a Cialis ad?

22. It's treason... which is the death penalty... for the Rosenbergs... and now Karl The Dog.

23. But I really wanted to play Karl Rove Whack-A-Mole....

24. What would be the most painful thing?
    Publically tell the truth. It would have to prove fatal.
    What would be the most fitting thing?
    Accompany Bush to the War Crimes Tribunal as co-defendant.
    What would be the most useful thing?
    Exile. Preferably to Mars.
    What would be the most satisfying thing?
    He turns on his master and tells the truth (see first suggestion).
    What is likely to happen?
    A mysterious illness takes him out of the public eye or a reluctant admission that he need to spend quality time with his family (he's single) or a televised emotional breakdown on Fox TV and public begging for Jesus' forgiveness or, most likely, a presidential pardon followed by a lucrative book tour.

25. Send him to UC Berkeley to finish his college degree.
    Loretta was kidding, right?

26. Secure firmly in a stockade, bend at the waist, with head and hands immobilized and exposed. we can use a replica of the ones they used to use at the founding of the nation. one day for every dead american in the so-called global war on terror. place at the top of Pennsylvania Avenue. better yet, take on nationwide tour of town squares, city halls, county seats, and state capitals.

27. Karl, as a youngster, was always the last chosen to play games, and was then forced to play right field (when he wasn't pulling wings off butterflies). Karl should obviously be sentenced to a lifetime of housecleaning and yardwork chores for Joe and Valerie Wilson. He will be required to wear a French maid's uniform and serve yellow cake daily. On his days off he can polish his craft at the DNC Headquarters.

28. Verdict: Karl Rove is hereby pronounced "Guilty" of the crime of besmirching the fine reputation of real turdblossoms, which unlike Mr. Rove, are actually quite valuable members of the parasitic community.
    Sentence: Karl Rove shall henceforth be forced to lay face up on the floor of CIA Headquarters in Langley, right next to the Wall of Honor, and be videotaped while a donkey takes an enormous crap on Rove's forehead. The droppings, along with the video, will then be transported via motorcade to the Smithsonian for eternal public viewing.

29. Verdict: Karl Rove is hereby pronounced "Guilty" of the crime of besmirching the fine reputation of real turd-blossoms which, unlike Mr. Rove, are actually quite valuable members of the parasitic community.
    Sentence: Karl Rove shall henceforth be forced to lay face up on the floor of CIA Headquarters in Langley, Virginia (preferably next to the Wall of Honor), and be videotaped while a DNC-donated donkey takes an enormous crap on Rove's forehead. The droppings, along with the video, will then be transported via motorcade to the Smithsonian for eternal public viewing, lit at night by a flaming faggot.

30. Oops, Sorry. Dump the first one, please.

31. Forced to play right field when he wasn't pulling the wings off butterflies...
    Now that is funny.

32. Loretta, Are you really that fucking stupid to say that someone that has commited treason, as Karl The Fascist Pig Rove has, you would call a patriot? You must be a complete brain dead moron!
    As far as Bush's dirty laundry goes, I bet you didn't mind Clinton's being aired. Of course the way you support Butt-head Bush and the asshole known as Rove(aka Satan) you must be one of those neo-con chicken-shit republican pukes.

33. I'm sure the left will eventually get around to this, but why is no one already addressing the larger crime that a war was initiated by the US President - where numerous Americans have already lost their lives and many more likely will - based not only on flimsy intelligence regarding the alleged uranium procurement from Niger, but a host of other dubious at best assumptions strung together from bits of information here, bits of inuendo there, etc.
    What appears clear to me is that getting Rove and now possibly Libby is small potatoes compared to what the authorities should really be going after. When are they going to face up to the fact that their commander in chief has at best cost the US its credibility in the world, and at worst, cost a number of parents, both Iraqi and American, their children?

34. Rove is herby sentenced to be a hospital orderly. His primary duty will be cleaning bed pans. It's about time he was on the receiving end.

35. Did you see Pulp Fiction? It's not hard to imagine Karl Rove with the red ball in his mouth.

36. Turd Blossom is sentenced to reprise the role previously played by Ned Beatty in "Deliverance."

37. GUILTY.
    PUNISHMENT that must not include personal injury: Hmmmmmmm....He'd probably LOVE most of what I can conjure, including molestation by Michael Jackson.
    All right, I'll suppress my desire for some good old Abu Ghraib crawlin, mewlin', and pukin', and go with:
    "Karl Rove on 'Fear Factor'":
    His challenges:
    1. Made to stand in a line for 5 hours outdoors in torrential rain to get into a voting place. THEN, he must squeeze himself into a too-small-for-Houdini booth and...VOTE STRAIGHT "D"!
    2. Go to Florida from D.C. by Greyhound bus and there, COUNT EVERY VOTE from 2000! If Rove is NOT successful here, he must travel by Amtrak to Ohio and START the PROCESS ALL OVER there, for 2004! If he fails in Ohio, Rove must return to Florida while reading the myth of Sisyphus.
    3. Testify under oath against Bush during the latter's trial for treason and perjury. Failure at this challenge will require Rove to take the Bible he had sworn on and, on camera, flush it down a toilet at Jerry Falwell's Liberty University. Further, Rove must smile convincingly in this task. Should said Holy Book get stuck, Rove must retrieve it and rip it page by page, for ease of disposal. If he fails at this challenge, Rove must take ANOTHER Bible and replace the toilet paper roll with it, while reading to the public the definition of "symbolism".
    4. On the White House lawn, set fire to an American flag. Prior to this, Rove must recite the First Amendment while mentioning that the piece of cloth he is about to inflame was a product of China. If he fails, Rove must go through all the trash cans in the capital of the "Red" state of his choosing, finding American flag garbage in the forms of but not limited to: tiny cake decorations; clothing (scarves, patches, shirts, hats, belt buckles, socks, ties, etc.); car decals; blankets, towels, throw pillows, curtains, napkins, tablecloths and other table decorations; umbrellas; hand-baggage (totes, purses, wallets, luggage, brief-cases); comestibles (cakes, cupcakes, fruit parfaits, cookies, salads); firecrackers; advertising signs; etc. THEN, Rove must set up a display of these found items with a sign (no smaller than half the size of the display itself) stating: "Look, you Right-Wing MORONS! We've COMMERCIALIZED the U.S FLAG! How SACRED can it BE THEN, HUH?! MORONS! BURN, BABY, BURN!"
    5. The penultimate "factor" for Rove will be to shine, for as many days as he counted votes in the previous challenge, the shoes of: Gore; the Clintons; Dean; Edwards; Conyers; M. Cleland; Plame/Wilson; Kennedy (any except Mrs. Schwartzenegger)); Boxer; Pelosi; G. Davis; and A. Richards. McCain for half that time. Rove must polish while kneeling, which should not be a hardship so much as a humiliation. If he fails, Rove must give each of the listed a pedicure.
    6. The final Fear Factor challenge will be for Karl Rove to wash Saddam Hussein's underwear by hand. He must obtain the soap and water from one of the following: an inmate on Death Row in Texas; Michael Moore; Dan Rather; Jose Padilla; an Iraq War amputee Vet; or the parent, widow/er, or offspring of a deceased Iraq War Vet. If Rove fails to obtain soap and water, the challenge continues, but now Rove must use his own body fluids, including tears and spittle, to cleanse Saddam's undergarments. Rove cannot technically "fail" at this, as he cannot be dismissed from "FF" ever, once he reaches this stage.
    HAVE FUN, KARL! And now, a word from our sponsor....

38. Rove's sentence? Janitor at the Clinton presidential library.

39. A lethal injection of depleted uranium mixed with a fresh batch of Nigerian yellowcake solution that is slow dripped by IV into Rove's jugular vein.

40. Rove should sentenced to consecutively:
    - Advocate theory of evolution at a gathering of the Family Research Council;
    - Serve as a Columbian drug mule;
    - Do 10 years as a love slave in San Quentin

41. Karl should be banished to Niger, sans phone contact, where he can attempt to verify the Niger uranium claims and live off of a dollar a day for the rest of his life.

42. If Karl Rove is found guility of treasonously exposing a CIA agent's cover and lying to the grand jury under oath, he must be given a chance to redeem himself. He must be allowed to return the feathers he earned by letting his contemporaries die in Vietnam while he took student deferments without raising a peep in protest of the war. He must be permitted to make up for luring thousands of young soldiers onto the sinking ship of U.S. Iraq policy by lying from behind a mask of patriotism.
    So we'll send him to Iraq where he can show liberals what he's made of. He's probably not up to doing daily patrolling in full gear, so let him ride shotgun on the road to the Baghdad airport, 12 hours a day, 7 days a week, until we've "won." He should ride in one of the unarmored vehicles, in penance for maneuvering into war the army we had, instead of the army we should have created for the Iraq war.
    If he's injured he can be treated by the excellent doctors who serve our troops and sent back as soon as possible. He can serve with artificial limbs in some capacity I'm sure.
    He will leave Iraq with the very last contingent of coalition soldiers, whether that's months or years from now, whether it's with the attention of an Iraqi honor guard or dangling from the landing gear of a helicopter taking off from from the roof of the Hotel Ishtar.
    Then he must be posted to Afghanistan, where he will join other American troops in helping the people enjoy a thin layer of democracy spread on a dense platform of warlordism generously interlarded with nuggets of illegal drug trading and abuse of women's human rights. Certainly to be effective he must be sent outside of Kabul.
    His mission will not be complete until he has successfully completed the quest to bring Osama bin Laden to justice. This may necessitate his joining the CIA in a covert position in a country other than Afghanistan. Let's hope no one exposes him.
    When Osama is sentenced for his role in the 9/11 terrorist attacks, Rove can then be pardoned.

43. Karl Rove should be sentenced to a ten-year sentence of community service. As his community service, Rove should have to wear a French maid outfit while cleaning the toilets in the covert operations branch at the George H.W. Bush Center for Intelligence (the CIA). Known by his nom de plume given to him by George W. Bush, Turd Blossum, Rove would have the responsibility for ensuring that these secretive toilets would operate 'undercover' by smelling like roses every day.

44. Why do you suppose Karl Rove's mother commited suicide? Because she couldn't live knowing she had created the "evil genius"? Or did little Karl get so sick from living with a suicidal mother? Or was his real father's rejection of them both the real cause? Any thoughts?

45. I agree with all of you, however, my bet is that Rove's buddy bushie will give him a presidential pardon and that will be the end of it. One good winkie deserves another.

46. Rove's punishment?
    Put him on a 24/7 television feed & GPS tracker and expose him to the bald light of day!

47. send the traitor to gitmo for interrogation/torture and never let him leave solitary.

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51. Karl Rove is such a sick man!! He should be hunted down and thrown in prison. He is the epitome of insane.